it's been a few weeks.
how are you doing? (i wish you well if you're feeling down, seasonal depression comes and goes with time. stand strong and free-willed. i'm here for you.)
lessons of the last few days consisted of modeling and tutorials, and we were introduced to the soon-to-be bane of our existence; the rabbit. did you see those eyes? that eerie smile? not ones of mercy, last time i checked. going with that is a fresh serving of modeling, also known as spending 3 days making a tree when you've got nothing else actually planned. hilarious idea to set yourself up for failure, right? the thing is, i can't even be mad. i keep doing this to myself.
i'd love to learn character modeling, but that would probably constitute as my independent study, which i planned on saving for something special, and i keep that as a promise, not only to myself but to you all, as well. i've been gearing up for college more recently (simultaneously neglecting any reference of a portfolio, however) and i'm stricken between SCAD and SVA, as i intend on double-majoring in comic making and animation, and the sequential art program at SCAD is revered as one of the best meanwhile the animation program at SVA proves to bring about great strides in storytelling from young artists. i'll apply to both and see what happens.
frustrations arose around last week or two, the day after christmas, when drama between a transphobic "friend" of mine made a godawful post condemning trans people and gwen and i tried reasoning, trying to tell the guy that this was a bad thing to do, and in came 65 more comments; a fountain of them, you could say, plaguing my mind for hours after and lingering for days. in the aftermath, it was decided that we were to be laugh-reacted off the face of the planet and then i took to the guidance department. the director of my class's one acts just so happens to be a guidance counselor, and he told me that sometimes you'll have to cut off toxic people whom of which you believed were friends. he spoke of surrounding yourself with positive influences and making the days go by shining instead of constantly attacking the opposition and working yourself to the mental bone that you picked between yourself and that nasty crowd. he's completely right, and i thank him humbly for his explanation and light. of course, i still had to see these two people (the original poster and the one who unplugged the sea of comments) within not even a week, and i felt awkward and disconnected, throwing an occasional silent glance at this guy in rehearsal. tensions were eased with time, however, and we won "best play" for the second consecutive year. go us!
mini-tangent aside. another thing that always comes this fun time of year is that someone gets me sick with a sore throat the week of both my chorus concert and the musical auditions. i've grown a lot since last year in maturity and can handle myself sick in an audition, and i can't let it stop me but it's so inconvenient. especially given the fact that i have to down tea every five seconds and shove lozenges in my mouth, i fully believe i'm desensitized to the gross, sticky feeling.
it's been some time since i considered this again, but not that i've had not only my gender therapist tell me this, but also my ap english teacher joined in, saying that i'd be a great politician. i couldn't fathom it the first time i was presented the theoretical, but now i see the connection. a strong-willed kid prepared to take on the negativity in the world with an accepting fist, deadset on bringing equal rights for those oppressed. my apologies for sounding "above" here; i'm trying to visualize what those two saw in me. sure, i brought identity politics into the light with our new principal and was dared to present it to the board of education (which i may as well do once i gather a team,) so i do believe there is a chance, but i never intended of majoring in political science. perhaps a minor may do, but there are better things to focus on. the junior class did win "best play" of the year, just as we did last year, and i was nominated for the "super trooper" award for accidentally coming into a rehearsal of which i wasn't required. it's funny to think that someone can perceive a lack of focus on the schedule as a determined action to do more. i swear it wasn't intentional. the cast party at the aforementioned hole-sprouter's house proved to be 3 consecutive hours of me awkwardly sitting around eating doughnuts and drawing with the other hour spent actually playing a card game that requires interaction. it was an okay-ish night. i was extremely fatigued throughout the course of the day, but once i took handle of the situation with honey tea, lozenges and throat spray, i felt like how you do after you fully heal an rpg character's hp. a protein shake would've definitely helped, however they've got dairy and nothing screams "my throat is killing itself" more than chugging dairy at 88 mph.
this was fun, but i feel that more stress will be coming. i'll be resuming my gender therapy sessions with mrs. gervase soon, and hopefully get on hrt before the summer ends. i need to find my grounding in the schoolwork topic and grab hold and control instead of riding it out as i'm known to do. thank you for your time.
the link of the week for this blog goes to a site in which you can generate art prompts when you're feeling drained of ideas. Hopefully, this will help you on your artistic journey, if that is the path you intend on walking.
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